just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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