Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
