i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
