Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
