I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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