I skipped work to stalk him.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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