well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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