so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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