I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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