I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
