oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
