Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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