My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
