i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize