i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
