this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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