So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
