Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
