is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
