I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
