Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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