I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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