Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
