Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize