Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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