"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
