woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
