There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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