How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
