eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
