I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
