we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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