My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
