I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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