Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize