I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
