Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
