I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
