physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize