Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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