Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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