lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
sarcasm needs its own font
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
