She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
