Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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