I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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