i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
