I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
