I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
