i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need to calm my uterus...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
