God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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