I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
