wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize