Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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