yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
