they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
