Please, let me fuck your mom
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
