In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
