i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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