Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
