My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
