My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
