It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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