i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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